Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Bernice and Garry: Adventures in Paradise


The Triad
The electric arcs across the great Prongs of our Life-Triad are strong, brief and luminous. And so it is with memories. There for us to see but gone before we can touch them. (author)

Prong 1 Bernice Becomes a Champion  
Prong 2 The Dreaming Pool  
Prong 3 Grammy

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Mae West

Bernice Becomes a Champion: Garry's Scheme
Setting: Security Checkpoint, Detroit Metro Airport
Time: Four years before 911
on the way to Phoenix to join Bernice "for good"
Security Officer #1: (stretching his beefy body up to bolster his barely average stature) Sir, step over here please.
Garry: Is there a problem?
Security Officer #1: I need you to tell me what this is. ("This" was an eight pound shot-put with rubber coating to allow for indoor competition. Red in color.)
Garry: Oh, that's a shot-put. Bought it for my girlfriend.
SO #1: Sir, I don't know what a shot-put is. I need you to tell me exactly what this device is used for.
Garry: It's used in athletic competition. You throw it, or "put" it. Whoever puts it farthest wins. Do you ever watch the Olympics?
SO #1: (rolling the suspicious object over in his hands) Sir, I'm going to ask you a very serious question. There is a seam in this object. Obviously sealing two halves of a container. And there is something inside this container. (shaking the orb inches from his ears) I can hear moving parts. What's inside?
Garry: OK, let's go with the seam first. It's a seal for the two halves...
SO #1: Sir I know what a seam is. What I don't know is what the seam is holding together. You need to tell me what's inside immediately.
Garry: Shot. Like in a shotgun shell.
SO #1: Shot? As in shooting? As in gun powder and explosives? (eyebrows raised to hairline) Sir I need you to dismantle this device immediately. The airline considers it your private property. That makes you responsible for its content. Attempting to bring explosives onto an airplane is a Federal Offense. I have the right to confiscate this item. I'm advising you that failing to follow my Directive will result in your immediate arrest.
Garry: Arrest? Are you kidding me? I'm getting arrested for a shot-put? (suddenly there is a second Airport Security person taking an oblique stance less than three feet from me.)
SO #1: (to the newcomer) I have instructed this individual to dismantle. Take a look before you relinquish possession to him. (Hands hands the ball to SO #2)
SO #2: (tall, slender, not imposing. Turns the ball slowly in his hands, bringing all his powers of deduction to bear) Heavier than it looks. Dam strange thing to have in your carry-on. I'd advise you to open it like he said. Nobody needs to get arrested and nobody needs to get hurt.
Garry: (hurt, did he say hurt?) There's no way I can take this thing apart, but I'm telling you it's nothing but a heavily coated ball filled with...BB's to make its weight.
SO #2: BB's?
SO #1: BB's! A dirty bomb! Could be filled with BB's and God knows what else. Secure this individual and his properties. I'll get a supervisor over here ASAP. (Walks off with exaggerated pace, speaking urgently up his sleeve.)
Garry: I hope you guys have a sense of humor. You're gonna  need it.
SO #2: We get paid to take these things seriously. (pause) For what it's worth, I hope you're right.
Within minutes SO #1 returns with Supervisor, compact middle aged Afro-American woman with authority written all over her face.
Supervisor: Sir, I need to see your driver's license. (after a brief glance, hands it back to me) Mr. Cox, I've been asked to take a look at your carry-on item. (looks at SO #2) This the item? Let me have a look.
SO #1:
There is something inside that thing.
Supervisor: And you think I'm going to shake it to find out?
SO #1: No mam, of course not. Should I notify the police and request bomb detection personnel?
Supervisor: This looks like a shot-put to me. Used to throw one just like it back in the day. This a shot-put Mr. Cox?
Garry: Yes mam, for my girlfriend.
Supervisor: (smiling, starts to hand it back to me then checks herself and hands it off to SO #1) You can return the item to Mr. Cox. (To me) Next time put it in your luggage.
Garry: Yes mam. (As I turn to retrieve the rest of my carry-on items I glance at the two SO's. SO #1 is staring blankly into space. I can't be sure but I think SO #2 just threw me a wink. Whatever, I suddenly experience an overwhelming urge to hit the restroom to check my pants for fall-out).

Bernice Becomes a Champion: The gift that keeps on giving
Setting: Phoenix @ Shadow Mountain High School track

Bernice: What in the world made you buy me a shot-put?
Garry: Well, what else do you buy a woman who has everything?
Bernice: What made you think I would want this thing.
Garry: More like I want you to have it. It's a ploy on my part to keep you coming to all my track meets.
Bernice: Between Detroit and Phoenix I've already been to God knows how many of your races.  Why would you think I would stop now?
Garry: I don't know, insecurity I guess. It's just that I listen to my track buddies talking about their wives and how they feel about sitting around in the stands, bored, waiting for their husbands' events. I actually heard one of their wives say, "I really don't get what all the fuss is about. A bunch of old farts chasing around after each other. Not my idea of a good time."
Bernice: Garry, you know I don't like it when you compare me with other women. You love this track stuff, you're going to do it no matter what. If it makes you feel any better, being here with you is better than being left at home.
Garry: Nice try, but I still think you need a personal buy-in.
Bernice: OK, but why this?
Garry: Because you're a natural. You're dirt strong and you're athletic. I think you could be really good at this. Hell, I think you could be a star.
Bernice: Well you drug me over to this...what do you call this I'm standing in?
Garry: The throwing circle.
Bernice: So show me what to do with this cannonball thing.
Garry: I thought you'd never ask.
Due to my lifelong love affair with track and field, I know the techniques required for most events. For Bernice I chose the old-school, back to the foul line, bend, take three gathering steps forward, turn and release approach. After several impeccable demonstration throws, Bernice has seen enough.
Bernice: Look, I don't see myself doing all that. Why can't I just stand sideways, hunker down and come up throwing?
Garry: I guess you could. But you won't throw it as far that way.
Bernice: Just give me the ball and let me try.
She takes about five throws in the manner she described. After each throw I cheer her on and offer priceless critique.
Bernice: You know what? This isn't going to work. If I'm going to get into this, I need to get a real coach. Like I did with my race-walking.
She did just that. In her search she came in contact with the great ASU middle distance runner Cliff McKenzie. Cliff recommended a young woman who was currently doing throwing events for the ASU track squad. After a couple months training Bernice was ready for the circuit.

Bernice Becomes a champion: Deja Vous all over again
A postcard from when we were still getting to know each other back in Detroit
Dear Garry,
Having a wonderful visit with the kids. Drove to the (Oregon) coast and down the beaches. Very beautiful and green & lush. weather finally turned warm and & sunny & I'm enjoying that. Tomorrow going to Seattle & then LA. I'm relaxing a lot & exercising too little & enjoying it all. Miss you
Love Bernice

Once more with feeling
Bernice: OK now you're going to have to help me work this thing out. What's your grand plan again?
Garry: Well, it's a triumvirate. First weekend we do a National track and field meet in Canada. Second weekend we do a National meet in Spokane, Wash. The third we do an International meet in  Track Town USA, Eugene, Oregon.
Bernice: I'll never make three weeks. Let's skip Canada. So it's Spokane and Eugene, OK?
Garry: I can live with that.
Bernice: Good, because I already figured out how we could do the two meets in the states.
Garry: So you don't really need my help?
Bernice: Of course I do. Well, maybe I just need you to listen to my plan. But I do need you to go along with it. Heart and soul. The only way I want to go.
Garry: The only way we should ever go.
Bernice: Right! So here's how I see it. We'll start in Valencia (Ca), Sandi and Jody and the girls (Nicole & Kelly). Spend two, maybe three days with them. Then we'll drive up the Coast Highway to Portland Oregon and spend time with Patti, Patrick and Garrett. From there we hit the road for Seattle to see Ellen and Zach. Then Spokane, then Eugene. I'll have to call the girls and see just how much time we can spend with each of them.
Garry: Wow! This is a dream come true. The great Pacific Coast Road Trip!
Bernice: You'll love the Oregon Coast. It's beautiful beyond words.
Garry: Pretty sure we'll both love it. Thinking about that postcard you sent me. But you know what's going through my mind? California Redwoods. The great Redwood Forest. Wanted to see them since I was a kid and read this western comic book where the bad guys were holed up inside a big ole redwood.
Bernice: I think what I have to do is get a tighter time frame. So we have time to play it by ear. Stop wherever it suits our fancy. I'll get on the details. You just make sure you do your job.
Garry: Which is what, exactly?
Bernice: Get your car ready. I'm not sure if your little Escort can handle the trip.
Garry: Little Red can handle it, trust me.
Bernice: Can I tell you something?
Garry: Anything.
Bernice: I'm nervous about the track meets. I bet those national girls are awfully good. Will there be a lot of people watching?
Garry: Oh yeah. Lotta people watching you kick booty. (a sly grin on her face?)
Center stage in this Odyssey was the galvanizing effect Bernice's audacious choice of event had on her family. Every daughter, every son-in-law and every grand child insisted not only on a demonstration of her prowess, but also the chance to have a go at it themselves. Back yards teemed with kids and grown folk throwing, grunting, cheering and jeering. The part she seemed to enjoy most was the inevitable teasing she got.
"Are you sure you can throw far enough to clear your toes?"
"Grammy, are you going to wear one of those tight spandex outfits?"
"Bernice you gotta learn to grunt. You don't even squeak?"
"Are you sure anybody your age actually does this?"
Through it all she smiled and laughed and lapped up the attention.

USATF National Masters Track and Field Competitions Spokane Washington
Masters Track & Field athletes compete in five year age groups. Bernice was in the 65-69 group.
Images: Bernice in her que waiting for her fourth attempt. Ordinarily a fast starter, she is out of the money at this point. Her usual stoicism in the ring has been replaced by a constant shifting of weight from foot to foot, a head down glower, and some serious deep breathing.
Event Marshal: Wagner up!
Images: With the slightest of nods, Bernice pivots off a foot shift and moves deliberately into the throwing circle. Into her standing position. A look out across the throwing vectors. A beat, and into her crouch. Deeper than usual. Locks her throwing elbow into her side. Tighter than usual. Free arm reaching skyward, straighter than usual. Up hard out of the crouch and the ball flies. Later Bernice would say, "I knew it was a good one. I could feel it all the way up from my toes."

The interminable measuring wait. Finally the formal distance announcement, followed by a sizable wave of appreciation from the crowd. Bernice leaves the throwing circle with a small, satisfied grin. Ultimately the throw stands up, good for a National Silver Medal.

WAVA (now called the World Masters Championships) International Track and Field Competition Eugene Oregon
Hayward Field stadium full to capacity. Big time buzz around the shot-put venue. Some serious lady athletes chatting, back slapping, plowing through their warm ups. Even from my vantage point in the stands they seem bigger and more resolute than any ladies Bernice has gone up against thus far. Bernice herself has found a swagger I didn't know she had. She's strolling through the ranks of her competitors, shaking hands, laughing at somebody's joke. Me I'm hoping she's getting stoked  on the supercharged atmosphere because she doesn't seem much interested in warming up.
Image: Bernice is wearing an extra large WAVA T-shirt that extends nearly to her knees. The officials start the competitors roll-call and Bernice comes out of the shirt. Holy Batman! Spandex has nothing on this girl. She has opted for a form fitting, one piece, powder blue bathing suit with aggressive white stripping. I know distance belies age to a point, but from where I stood she looked like a blond bombshell about to go off.
Image: Bernice is far enough down in the throwing order that by the time she steps into the ring I have reconciled myself to her bodacious outfit. Talk about casual. If she were carrying a book in her hand instead of a shot-put she could be strolling down a beach somewhere. She does three relaxed squats in preparation and suddenly rips through her toss in a blue blur. Her momentum leaves her standing on her tip-toes to avoid stepping over the foul line. She recovers in time to see the throw and slaps her thigh in satisfaction. Not waiting for the measurement, she steps out of the ring and gathers up her shirt. Waits for her ball. Takes it and strides through the ranks. Normal. Find a spot to rest until her next throw. Instead she continues on through the crowd, across the track, and heads up into the stands towards me.
Garry: Bernice, what the hell are you doing? (she just grins and hands me the ball) You can't leave the competition like that. You'll be disqualified.
Bernice: (with a shrug and a grin) That throw was good enough, I don't need another one. If they beat it they beat it.
Garry: It was pretty damned good. Looked better than Spokane. But Sweetie, you have to tell the officials you won't be taking another throw.
Bernice: OK, see you in a few minutes.
"That throw was good enough, I don't need another one." Good enough for another Silver Medal, International this time.

Partners in Paradise
When I rejoined Bernice after my 9 month sojourn in Michigan, we started our new life with a vengeance. Bernice was retired and I was the next best thing, unemployed. Better still, I was drawing unemployment from the Detroit Public School System. I was free as a bird and could pay my own way, at least for awhile. Our future was finally now.

Bernice wasted little time filling me in on the routines she had already established in my absence. Hiking with the club, regular pool days with our building 8 buddies, morning and evening walks along the golf course, and random searching for the perfect happy hour and the best Friday night fish establishment within easy driving distance. On the weekends that we didn't do all day hikes, we would catch the latest movies. Evenings at home would start with wine or beer on the patio followed by one of Bernice's twenty-minute dinner specials. After dinner we would read or watch a favorite TV show.

The Dreaming Pool (1)
Every day after leaving the scorching water pool deck and slogging maybe 30 meters back to the condo, we would shuck our swim-suits and lie naked in the spare bedroom. The room had a twilight ambiance created by closing the blinds to soften the blow of a raging sun. With our bodies supported by pillows and a soft carpet, we would day-dream in hushed tones content to let evening roll around whenever it felt like it. We called the room our Dreaming Pool
Bernice: Sometimes I think this is the best part of the day.
Garry: I feel like I'm on vacation.
Bernice: You are on vacation.
Garry: No, I mean like a permanent vacation. Sort of a never-ending holiday.
Bernice: You're not planning to go back to work?
Garry: It's in the back of my mind. Planning would be a stretch.
Bernice: Back of your mind is good. Leaves room for today. For us. (pause) You know how I'm always kidding you about being a dreamer? I don't know why. I think it's what I like best about you.
Garry: Are we talkin' daydreams or lifedreams here?
Bernice: Lifedreams. The ones you've shared with me. Back when we were getting to know each other. Your years in the theatre, living on bread and relish sandwiches, hustling 24/7, fighting for rehearsal space, eeking money out of tiny budgets, but still bringing the show in. Your salad days. (pause) I have a confession to make. I used to daydream about those days. Used to pretend that I was part of that life.
Garry: Funny, when I was telling you all that stuff I wasn't thinking dreams.
Bernice: I know, you were trying to impress me. And it worked. But even then I had this question in the back of my mind. Why did he stop? Why isn't he still doing what he loved?
Garry: Well, one answer would be he liked to eat. He liked to have a roof over is head. He wanted to at least marginally take care of his kids.
Bernice: I get that. I even get that at one time you thought Adult Ed was the ideal backup plan for someone trying to make it in the theatre. But I also get that by the time we started seeing each other you had come full stop.
Garry: I don't know full stop. But I was ready for a serious break. The whole field of performing arts is a struggle for anyone. I was starting to look at the handwriting on the wall. If I was gonna make it, I woulda already made it, that sort of thing.
Bernice: Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you just stopped trying.
Garry: You're starting to lose me
Bernice: No, I think I'm starting to find you. Do you remember telling me the story about you wanting to quit your lousy Babe Ruth baseball team because your manager was a drunk and the team was playing lousy and your sponsor still hadn't come up with any uniforms?
Garry: Like it was yesterday.
Bernice: And what did you mom say?
Garry: Something like she wasn't gonna let me quit the team because I'd never been a quitter...
Bernice: Right, she said you had never been a quitter and you never would be. So here's what we know about you. Your dreams will never die, and quitting on them is just not in you.
Garry: So what are you saying?
Bernice: I'm saying that you're lying here with me, a beautiful woman in a lovely condo with no financial worries. Your kids are doing good. Sayin' maybe it's time for us to get after your dreams. The two of us. The stars may never line up like this again.
Garry: What about your dreams?
Bernice: I'm living my dream. Doin' everything I want, when I want to. The only thing could spoil my dream is an unhappy partner.

So I took the shot. I signed with a talent agency and found early success with a string of commercials and two Indy films. When I joined up the agency was half modeling, half talent. But early on the handwriting on the wall revealed that the money seemed to be in the modeling game. After a couple of fat years the agency fazed out the talent side of the operation altogether. I was on my own without an agent in a secondary market. Adult Ed to the rescue. In the waning moments of my film career I was invited to join a prestigious Rio Salado College Leaning Center that partnered with the ground breaking Maricopa Skills Center. I felt good about the opportunity to earn a little money while coming up with a new game plan to crack the commercial market. September 2012 I'm still working on that game plan.

The Dreaming Pool (2)
Garry: So Ms Wagner, where do you see yourself in five years?
Bernice: (eyes closed) I hear Lake Louise up in Canada is one of the most beautiful spots on earth.
Garry: I see us white-water rafting down the Colorado river.
Bernice: I don't know. Those rapids are dangerous. I don't swim that well.
Garry: You kidding? You swim like a fish.
Bernice: Oh right, you're the one who doesn't swim so well.
Garry: What about famous cities.
Bernice: OK, I'll take famous cities for $500.
Garry: You'll take a poke in the booty and like it.
Bernice: OK, London. I've always wanted to go to London.
Garry: New York City for me. Then maybe Rio de Janiero.
Bernice: I've already been to New York. Never had a desire to go to South America.
Garry: Fair enough. So we do London, should we add Paris to our Junket?
Bernice: No. Just London. (pause) Can I tell you what I really have been thinking about?
Garry: Please!
Bernice: Hiking the Grand Canyon.
Garry: Really?
Bernice: Really. Hike down to Phantom Ranch. Get a big steak with corn on the cob for dinner. Lay out and look up at the sky after sundown. Fat stars filling up the whole sky. Hike back out the next day. Maybe run up to Laughlin after. See a show, play some slots. (pause) Think I can do it?
Garry: Do what, hike the Grand Canyon?
Bernice: Yeah, I've heard it can be a rough hike. I ain't no spring chicken.
Garry: What, Mt. Lemon wasn't rough enough or Mt. Williams with the wind blowing our shorts off. Hell Squaw Peak is rough enough for your average thirty-year old.
Bernice: You're right. I can do it. Guess the real question is, can you?
Garry: You're my hiking guru. You tell me.
Bernice: Not sure I'd bet money on it, but you're starting to get the hang of it. You got time.
Garry: I got time, meaning...
Bernice: Meaning I've made reservations to overnite at Phantom Ranch this coming March. I want to give Sandi (daughter) a special birthday present. Something she can share with Jody (son-in-law). Get us a nice place to stay on the Rim. The four of us do the hike. What you think?
Garry: Think you just blew me out of the water.
Bernice: I mean do you like?
Garry: I love!

Images: Hikers know that often as not climbing down a steep trail can be harder on the body than climbing up. Unfortunately Bernice proved to be a case in point. After maybe a half mile down the South Kaibab, Bernice's knees began to hurt. At first "like the dickens" but soon "every step I took was like an icepick in my knee." Fellow hikers noticed her plight and offered everything from ice packs to pain pills. I never knew so many hikers carried drugs. If memory serves she did avail herself of some supped up Tylenol.

What a difference some grub and beer, an evening under the stars and a good nights sleep can make. Bernice totally had her mojo back as we lit out from Phantom Ranch at 6am the next morning. Footbridge across the Colorado River and up Bright Angel Trail. At Indian Gardens we split our foursome. Jody was anxious to get into a power hike, and I felt up to the challenge. Sandi and Bernice would stay together and meet us at the rim.
Bernice: Garry, you remember your promise. When you guys get to the top, you turn right around and come back for me. You promised to push me on up if I needed it.
Garry: You got it Sweetie. Hope you won't need it though. I'll be pretty tired by the time I get back to you.
Turns out "pretty tired" wasn't the half of it. Jodi was fit and forty and on a mission. He clearly meant to kill me with his pace. Later he would say, "All you had to do was tell me. I could have slowed down." Yeah right. Like you didn't know the old buck never asks for quarter and the young buck never grants it. I did go back for Bernice, but only after Jody and I had grabbed a shower and a snack back at the hotel.

One of the striking features of a hike up Bright Angel is the sharp contrast in weather conditions. On this day, it was balmy around the Colorado River bottom and snowing on the South Rim. By the time Jody and I started back down to meet the girls a thick fog had set in. Oncoming hikers were preceded by the colors of their caps and jackets long before their bodies jumped into visibility. I counted 16 switchbacks before I saw a bright orange nylon jacket like the one Bernice had wisely packed.  Could be her. As she slowly rose out of the mist the ball of orange grudgingly revealed a splotch of white. Bernice's face, upturned, grim to infinity, with droplets of moisture hanging off the end of her nose. She did not smile when she recognized us.
Bernice: You said you would come back for me.
Garry: I did. I'm here.
Bernice: You should have found me a long time ago.
Jody: Bernice, what did you do with Sandi, push her off a lookout point?
Bernice: (not amused) Her back is killing her. Some young fellows offered to take her pack and wait for her at the top. She insisted I go on. You better go find her.
Garry: So babe, you still want me to push you.
Bernice: Hell yes I want you to push. You shoulda been pushing me way before now.
To her credit Bernice thanked me for the pushing she did get and admitted that for the most part she was no worse for wear. She was seventy-two years old at the time.

Memorable afternoon with Bernice and her pool girlfriends, maybe six years into Paradise:
Don't remember whether I actually overheard this conversation or Bernice told me about it later.
GF 1: These girls today, they have so much surgery no telling how old they are.
GF 2: Not important how old you are, just what you look like.
GF 3: I wouldn't mind a few nips and tucks. I'm such a flabby Abby.
GF 4: I just want to get rid of some wrinkles and some crows feet.
GF 5: You can do that with Botox you know.
Bernice: I don't think I'll bother with any of that. Garry likes me just the way I am.

GRAMMY
From daughter Ellen: (circa 2012) Here is what I can tell you about Mom and the grandkids.
She loved being a Grammy. I think more than being a mom.
 
When (son) Zach was 4 I started going to conferences 2 times a year. She would arrange her vacation time and go with us. She took care of Zach in the morning while I was at meetings and then the 3 of us would play in the afternoons.
 
Memorable trip: We went to Fort Lauderdale for Benjamin's (Ellen's nephew) bar mitzvah and then Mom, Zach and I went down to the Keys for a few days. We had a great time in a small hotel on the beach. I remember that it was Mothers day weekend 10 years ago, I took her to dinner at the Westin Hotel in Islamorada. We had dinner in the restaurant way up high looking out into a jungle with water on both sides watching the sun set. It was wonderful.

From daughter Patti: (circa 2012) When I think of her visits though what I remember is all the time she and Garrett sat together in the recliner and read and talked...hours each day.

Memorable trip: For Garrett's 13th birthday, we went to Hawaii. We took a helicopter ride, went whale watching and snorkeling and then there was the adventure of the coconut. She and Patrick found a coconut on the beach. I begged them to leave it behind but they were determined to open it up. Well, I never smelled anything so foul as that rotten coconut milk and the two of them covered with it. It was a long drive around the island that day.

From daughter Sandi: (circa 2012)
Memorable visit: Whenever my mom came to visit (Sandi, Jody, and granddaughters Nicole & Kelly), we always looked for fun and adventurous places to go hiking. In our town, often there would be streams of water that you had to cross at some point during the hike. On this particular occasion, I recall there were several crossings involved. At each one my mom would say - "Oh, I hope I don't slip into the water." Finally, after about 3 attempts at crossing, she said "Oh screw it, I'm just going to walk through the water." the funny thing was that she never complained about her sopping wet feet for the duration of the hike. Everytime I go hiking, I think of that experience and a smile comes to my face. I have to thank her for giving me the love of hiking!

Adventures in Paradise: Prologue To An Era
Living Room of our condo. Bernice in her spot at the end of the couch, feet on her leather foot rest. Me in my easy chair that nobody likes to sit in but me.
Bernice: So this is the big year?
Garry: All our years are big. What's special about this one.
Bernice: I'm talking about your retirement, silly.
Garry: Oh that little item.
Bernice: Little item? You have been dying to retire since you were 62 and now you can and that's a "little item?"
Garry: No, it's huge. I never thought it would happen.
Bernice: Do you regret not retiring at 62?
Garry: Not really. Least not now. I didn't hate my job. And I trusted your judgement.
Bernice: Always with my judgement. My advice. My guidance. I'm about sick of all that. Did you ever think what not having you home those three years meant to me? What it cost me? So you hadda work three more years. Big deal. Just business as usual for you. Me home alone. Half my friends moved away or dead. Every day between the time I read the poem you left in the morning and the time you came waltzing through the door in the evening...fixin my smile.
Garry: I'm sorry. I always thought you smiled because you were glad to see me.
Bernice: I was dammit! But that smile you like so much? You need to know there were days I had to work pretty hard to get to it.
Garry: Guess I never thought of that. I should have. What can I do...
Bernice: Finally he asks! (pause) Not much you can do. I just had to get it off my chest. OK if we just move on? What I'm interested in now is what we're going to do with the time we have left.
Garry: Be together for one thing.
Bernice: That's one big thing for sure. But there's more to it than that. I'm getting older. My health is not what it used to be. You've said you would take care of me and I believe you. But you have to understand, I need more than you. I need my girls. They want to take care of me too. And you have to let that be alright. Sometimes you act like they're intruding when they show their concern for me.
Garry: I didn't mean...
Bernice: You didn't mean for it to show. Well, it did but that's not important now. What's important now is for you to get what I'm saying. Let it sink in. Let what I'm telling you now be important to both of us moving forward. (long pause) And one more thing, we're gonna  be doin some traveling babe. No more summers in Phoenix. I'm not going to be a prisoner in my own house ever again.  So start thinking about where we can spend this summer coming up.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Bernice and Garry: Bernice takes a year

Our final destination would be the city of Phoenix and the two-bedroom condo in a dreamcicle colored condo complex called Anasazi. This would be the best homecoming of all. This would be the home we would make together, the home that would last us for the rest of our lives. Bernice and Garry: Journey West

Rookies
July 1996
Locale: Squaw Peak (as it was known in 1996 when Bernice and I first hit Phoenix). Since renamed as Piestewa Peak In honor of Army SPC Lori Ann Piestewa, the first Native American woman to die in combat in the US military, and the first female soldier to be killed in action in the 2003 Iraq War.


Imaginary conversation: (if Jeff Foxworthy were the clerk in the Circle K across the street from our condo in Anasazi)
Clerk: You're going to do Squaw Peak in July and this is the all the water you're taking? That will be $4.37 please. Thank you. Here's your receipt and here's your (Stupid) signs. Pray you don't get trampled to death when you fall out.

Actual Conversation:
Clerk:  (not Jeff Foxworthy) You folks planning on doing a little hiking today?
Garry: Yeah, thought we might try Squaw Peak.
Clerk: You might be starting a little late for Squaw Peak. This time of year (July) most folks want to get started between 6:00 and 6:30.
Garry: (upon exiting the store) Guy doesn't know what kind of shape we're in.
Bernice: Looks like we won't get to Squaw Peak until 8:30. (Taking a slug from her 16 ounce water bottle) We should still be ok.

Two hours later....
Bernice: (shortly after she slid down the bedroom wall onto her butt) Go get Ellie!
Garry: What's she gonna do?
Bernice: She's a nurse. Go get her.
Garry: What should I say is wrong
Bernice: I don't care, tell her I broke my leg. Just go get her. (as I head for Ellie one door away). Heat exhaustion, tell her heat exhaustion.

In the years following, Bernice would do Piestewa Peak for breakfast. Ok, maybe lunch. She and a girlfriend would do a smaller peak, North Mountain, daily and would top off their week with the Big Kahuna.

Phoenix Rising August 1996


We are sitting on the back patio, drinking some Two-buck Chuck, all the rage at the time. Beyond the golf course we can see Camelback Mountain, bigger even that Piestewa Peak but just another of Bernice's conquests.


Garry: You know, this whole desert thing takes some getting used to.
Bernice: How so?
Garry: Well for openers, the weather. There ain't none. The sun shines everyday ad naseum. It never rains.
Bernice: It rains.
Garry: Okay, maybe once in a blue moon it rains like hell and causes flooding and idiots get stalled in big puddles they weren't supposed to drive through in the first place. But that's not rain. That's a downpour. I'm talkin cloudy, rainy days. Days that make you want to stay indoors and work puzzles.
Bernice: We have stay indoors days.
Garry: Sure because it's a hundred and hot in the shade if you can find any. I mean what's the difference between summer and winter out here?
Bernice: Plenty difference. Summer it's hot twenty-four hours a day. Winter it's pleasant in the daytime and very cool in the evenings. Early mornings can be downright cold.
Garry: Ok, how about storms. Good old-fasioned thunder and lightning, winds blowing down powerlines, lawn chairs in the neighbors yard storms.



Bernice: Oh we've got them alright. They're called monsoon thunder storms.
Garry: Sounds like a solo piece for the Oboe section.
Bernice: Bassoon section would be more like it.
Garry: Know what the worst thing is? Those damned doves. That coo they have. It's the most mournful sound I ever heard. Makes me feel empty as a drum.
Bernice: I don't think it's the doves, babe. I think you're just homesick.
Garry: I haven't been homesick since I left home for Air Force Basic Training. As far as Detroit goes, I said my goodbyes. I'm good with being out here instead of back there.
Bernice: Different kind of homesick. Maybe not a place you miss, but something important you lost.
Your work relationships. Students, teaching friends, friends from you sites. The feedback, the reeognition you've recieved. All a big part of your life for a long time. Gone.
Backstory
At the time Bernice and I hooked up, my daughter Brett and I had a standing dinner date every Wednesday. Growing up, Brett spent weekends and summers with me and the rest of the time with her mom. This worked out ok until Brett approached her teens. At that point she began to develop her own weekend agenda. She needed more personal space and more hang time with her friends. Weekends one-on-one with dad clashed with that agenda. I understood Brett's need for more control over her own life; I just didn't want to relinquish regular contact with her. Impasse for sure. Brett's mom, Eileen, to the rescue:
Mom: Why don't you two have dinner together like every Wednesday or something.

Wednesdays sounded good to Brett and me so that became our plan. It was a good plan and we stuck to it all through Brett's high school years.

August 1996
Garry: (from his poolside perch at sunset over Anasazi) Are you sure you're ok with my going back to see Brett through her senior year?
Bernice: Of course. As long as you behave yourself.
Garry: Meaning what?
Bernice: Meaning I won't tolerate any backsliding.
Garry: (bemused) Backsliding?
Bernice: You know what I mean. Don't go back to your bar life. And don't be having any girls in our apartment (Clinton Township, MI) either.
Garry: Girls? What girls?
Bernice: Ok, girl. Don't be flirting with Flo down the hall.
Garry: I'm down with that. Both counts. Straight arrow. Scouts honor. (easy promises since I've never seen a bar that could hold a candle to Metro Beach and Flo was 92 and smoked two packs of cigarettes a day.)
Bernice: And call me every day.
Garry: That could get pricey.
Bernice: Save your money.
Garry: Not exactly my long suit.
Bernice: Don't I know. Three times a week then. Final offer. Take it or leave it.
Garry: I'll take it. (pause) Thank you for letting me do this, babe. It means a lot.
Bernice: I'm not through here. I don't intend to spend Thanksgiving alone. I expect to see your smiling face at my table.

Bernice Steps Out October 1996

Bernice: (Sitting on her patio with her coffee and crosswords, phone in hand) Hey birthday boy!
Garry: (remote control in hand, searching for a University of Michigan football game) It's not my birthday. It's your birthday.
Bernice: It's our birthday month, remember?
Garry: (finding his game) Right. I knew that.
Bernice: What you doin?
Garry: I was about to watch a U of M football game.
Bernice: Well, turn the sound down and talk to me.
Garry: (Obliging) Ok, there you go. Just you and me now baby.
Bernice: You and me and the football game.
Garry: I won't look. I missed the kickoff anyway.
Bernice: So, what you been up to.
Garry: Up to no good whenever I get the chance. You?
Bernice: Oh boy, where to begin. I've joined a hiking club. Great group of gals. Guys too. I'm in a book club with my new best girlfriend, Ellie. I call her Walking Ellie so I don't mix her up with my sister Ellie. Walking Ellie's in the hiking club. Boy what a hiker! Let's see, oh and I'm ushering at the Civic Center. Don't like the set up much. Not like Detroit. They insist on paying me so they can tell me when to work. But it gives me a chance to explore downtown. What else?  W Ellie and I go to movies in the afternoon. I love that. Then I go to Anasazi affairs with sister Ellie. Bunch of old folks, but we have fun. The rest of the time I just hang out in the pool with my Building Eight neighbors. We really fill up the pool. Such talkers! I guess that's about it.
Garry: That's it? I thought you were going to stay busy while I'm gone.
Bernice: You funny. (pause) I miss you like crazy.
Garry: I miss you too Sweetie.
Bernice: You do? You sure? You don't sound too excited to hear from me.
Garry: (turning game off) I miss you all the time. Especially at night. The apartment feels so empty. I really get the blues when one of our shows comes on TV. Miss sitting on the couch holding your hand. Miss snuggling with you to get us off to sleep.
Bernice: I'm sorry. Sometimes I get scared that you won't be coming back.
Garry: I'm coming back for Thanksgiving. I already booked my flight. I'm coming back cause you're the best thing ever happened to me. I'm not gonna let that go.
Bernice: (trying to sound like the brave girl she had been all her life) Ok Sweetie. I'll be waiting for you.

February 1997
Bernice: Garry, guess what. You know I told you I was going to try out race walking? Well I did and I won a meddle.
Garry: Did you race walk or power walk?
Bernice: Oh race walk. The are very strict. If you break form they disqualify you.
Garry: Wow, a medal. That is so cool. I'm really proud of you.
Bernice: Thanks. You still running?
Garry: You bet. I'm doing Masters Track and Field. I'm on a team. You remember the Motor City Striders, the long distance club I belonged to awhile back? Well they have a track team and I run the 400 meters. We go to this indoor college track and race every Friday. All comers. They put us old guys in with the kids. I haven't won a danged thing yet.
Bernice: You will. If you get in really good shape you can race walk with me. You won't beat me though.
Garry: I might.
Bernice: How?
Garry: I'll cheat.

May 1997
Garry: I'll never get out of here. Between packing and trying to sell your furniture I can't keep my head on straight.
Bernice: You having a tough time, Sweetie?
Garry: I am. Unloading this furniture is a real pain.
Bernice: Well, sell what you can and give the rest to Goodwill. But don't wait too long. Maybe Brett can help you. Don't get discouraged.
Garry: Brett will have to help. I'm giving her the couch and the home entertainment system. She may not want them, but I'm going to store them in her mom's basement.
Bernice: (after a long silence) Are you really coming out here?
Garry: What in the world would make you think I wasn't.
Bernice: I don't know. Sometimes I just get the feeling you aren't coming.
Garry: I came out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and spring break didn't I?
Bernice: I know but that's not the same as coming out here for good.
Garry: I am coming out there for good. I'm coming out there for the rest of my life. It's all I've thought about for nine months. You just be ready for me. I'm gonna want to hug you for a week at least. Ok?
Bernice: (Sounding small and far away) Ok, honey.

October 1997
There is a cool breeze on the patio and Bernice and I have been planning our birthday month celebrations. All of a sudden Bernice interrupts the flow.
Bernice: Oh wait. There's something I've been meaning to show you. (She scurries into the house and in minutes returns holding a book of some kind)
Garry: What you got there?
Bernice: I've got this lovely diary that Ellie (sister) gave me right after you left to go back to Detroit. I want you to look at it.
Garry: Sure. (I take the book and see the inscription on the inside front cover) "You are starting a new life. Use this book to record your adventures."
Bernice: Wasn't that sweet of her?
Garry: (Hesitantly) But Sweetie, there is nothing in it.
Bernice: Oh yes there is. Look at the very first page.
On the front page in her quaintly irregular handwriting was the one and only entry in the diary. It read simply,
 "This has been the best year of my life"

Over the years I have often wondered how much or how little I contributed to the best year of her life, being absent for most of it.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Bernice and Garry: Honeymoon Vignettes and Snapshots


Business First: A Trust Issue
When I admitted to Bernice that I owed the Federal Government $10,000, she asked to take a look at my financial profile.
Bernice: Your finances are all (......) up!
Those of you who know Bernice can appreciate  how rarely she resorted to swear words. Sure as (....) got my attention.
Bernice: I could fix all this but we will have to have an agreement.
Garry: What kind of agreement?
Bernice: From here on, you have to turn any money you make over to me. That simple. I will use your money to pay down your IRS bill, make you an investment plan, and maybe get you a new car.
Garry: Isn't that kind of like Jesus feeding the multitudes with a loaf of bread?
Bernice: That's the other thing.
Garry: What?
Bernice: You can't ever question me.
I pretty much knew that my financial affairs were in the toilet, but I had always thought  I would someday get my shit together, either that or I would write a book or land a job that would pay me enough money to handle my excesses with a little something left over. I even had a back-up plan if none of this worked. Simply forgo worldly success and become a beach bum, a free soul spending his days communing with the waves on public beaches around the world. Living on peanut-butter & relish sandwiches. 
Not to mention, I'm a natural born Doubting Thomas and I reserve the right to question anybody I damn well please. Male pride had my foot halfway to my mouth before my Brain stepped in.

Brain: Hold up, bro. Let's look at the big picture here. You're pushing fifty. You owe the government. You have no savings, your TV show just vaporized, and your car leaks/burns a quart of oil a day. If you weren't living with Bernice, you wouldn't have a a pot to piss in. Take the Deal and Be Happy!

After the Brain's tirade my pride held out for another two minutes, during which I pretended to weigh my options. Bernice had already walked off, either to give me space or to avoid a display of male ego run amok.
Later at dinner-
Garry: So if I take you up on your offer, can I at least ask how I'm doing from time to time. You know, financially speaking?
Bernice: You will be doing fine. Don't worry about it.
Garry: Well, does anybody else have to know about this?
Bernice: Who would I tell?
Garry: People we know. Your family. My family.
Bernice: I don't talk about my own finances. Why should I talk about yours?
Garry: You talk finances with your sister Ellie.
Bernice: We play the stock market together. We loan each other money whenever one of us needs it. Short term, no questions asked kind of stuff.
Garry: (with a shrug) What have I got to lose. God knows I could use some help. Let's do this thing.
Bernice: This is not a rap tune, babe. "Let's do this thing," means you're ok with it? All of it?
Garry: I'm ok with it. All of it. Are you ok though? Seems like you're taking on a lot of headache.
Bernice: Small potatoes. Just keep your day job. And so you know, you're calling the IRS to work out a payment plan and this year you're filling out your own taxes.
(She must have read the panic on my face.)
Bernice: Ok, I'll help you. But you're doing most of the work, mister. 

Honeymoon Snap Shots & Vignettes
I refer to the following memories as the halcyon days of our life partnership. The tears these memories evoke, 14 months into my grieving, are those of gratitude, more so than pain. I humbly extend that gratitude to those of you who have helped me get to this place.

Home is the Hunter
I credit Bernice for a myriad of blessings. One in particular was a job upgrade. Soon after we met at my Tuesday/Thursday evening class at the library, Bernice became curious about what seemed to her an unusual work schedule.
Bernice: So let me get this straight. You travel between three GED sites a day...
Garry: And a half day on Friday.
Bernice: A half day at a totally different site.
Garry: Right.
Bernice: Sounds like you're in sales.
Garry: Sales?
Bernice: Well you travel around all week with your books and attendance materials in your car, just like a salesman with his product. I know you love to teach but doesn't all that moving around get old?
Garry: That's how adult ed works. At least for full-timers.
Bernice: Wouldn't you rather do all your teaching at one site?
Garry: Sure I would.
Bernice: Then why don't you?
Garry: I guess because the way the system works, the Adult Ed Department is mandated by the state to open up new sites to accommodate more students. Sites open up, instructors get assigned. It's a funding thing.
Bernice: So let the new teachers take on the new sites. I know how hard you work to keep your classes open. There must be some sites that have an AM/PM schedule. You could keep something like that going.
Garry: Look, every year, especially when winter hits, I ask my boss to bring me in out of the cold. Let me have a permanent site. And what I get is, "Be glad you've got a full schedule to begin with."
Bernice: Maybe you're asking the wrong person.
Garry: Who else would I ask. Her coordinators handle the site staffing and she has final approval. I'm already talking to the top dog.
Bernice: Maybe it's the wrong top dog.
Garry: Maybe you're barking up the wrong tree. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Bernice: If anybody's barking up the wrong tree it's you. Your boss is not the only boss involved. Every one of your sites has a boss.
Garry: Ok.
Bernice: So why don't you talk to one of them about extending the GED classes to reach more of their clients?
Garry: I suppose, but I don't know if any of the sites could bear that much traffic.
Bernice: What about the that Automotive Training place? MC something.
Garry: Michigan Career Institute?
Bernice: According to you they've got a ton of students, and classes morning, noon, and night. You're already there four mornings a week.
Garry: (as the light goes on) You know, that's true. And not only that, but the director approached me the other day about teaching math and report writing to some of the MCI training staff. And if I could talk him into allowing neighborhood students access in the afternoons...
Bernice: Well there you go then. Problem solved.
And it was. Within a month I was assigned a full work week at the Michigan Career Institute. No more night classes and only a half day on Friday.

Breakfast With Bernice
Even though I had no regrets about leaving my former lifestyle in the rear view mirror, I did not immediately embrace Bernice's regimen, especially her pre-breakfast routine. For the first couple weeks the best I could do was watch in awe as every work-day at five bells sharp she slid out of bed, fell into her exercise togs, and clicked on her exercise video with the aplomb of a sleepwalker. Then it was a full hour of step aerobics followed by an hour of weight lifting and stretching.

I had trouble keeping up with the step aerobics and to this day I abhor stretching, so I would follow Bernice out of bed, stagger into my running gear and lite out for a run in the streets of Southfield. I never ran for more than an hour, so Bernice would still be going at it when I returned home. I filled the downtime before breakfast by luxuriating in really long showers in my very own bathroom.

Breakfast for Bernice was a cornucopia of fruit and cereal that would put a smile on Paul Bunyan's face. Over time I was able to match Bernice's zest for fitness, but I never managed to hold my own at the breakfast table.

Cultural Differences
Bernice and I shared a love of the arts. Just not necessarily the same arts. Some of our likes overlapped, performing arts such as dance and theatre, and of course, movies. But our musical tastes were generations apart. I cut my teeth on R&B and was serendipitously positioned to witness the birth of Rock & Roll in my early teens. Bernice grew up with the big bands, Glenn Miller, Harry James, Benny Goodman & the crooners, Bing Crosby, Tony Bennett, & Frank Sinatra.

Both of us branched out from the music of our youth. Different roots, different branches. Bernice got hooked on classical music and became an absolute opera maven. I dabbled in jazz, went gaga over folk music, and like Barbara Mandrell I can honestly say, "I was Country when Country wasn't cool."

How Far Apart Were We?
(sitting on the couch in Bernice's entertainment room)
Bernice: Got a question for you. My kids just laughed when I asked them.
Garry: And you think I won't laugh.
Bernice: Better not.
Garry: Lay it on me.
Bernice: Don't laugh.
Garry: I won't laugh. C'mon already.
Bernice: Ok, what is The Moody Blues?
Garry: (with a kindly chuckle) I'm not laughing. They're a rock band. English I think. Pretty big back in the 60's. Still goin' strong far as I know.
Bernice: Well why would my kids mention them around me? Then laugh because I didn't know.
Garry: (treading lightly) I can think of a couple of reasons. For one thing, the band was so popular your kids couldn't believe you never heard of them ...
Bernice: I was busy raising my family. Maybe I didn't have time to follow the new music.
Garry: (back peddling like crazy) Fair enough. But you didn't let me get to the other thing it might be.
Bernice: I'm listening.
Garry: You love classical music, right? Ok, well The Moody Blues sort of fused rock and roll with classical music. So the kids may have just figured you'd appreciate a sound like that.
Bernice: I'd appreciate you all understanding my situation better.
Garry: Don't put me in with the "all".
Bernice: Why not?
Garry: Because I'm sensitive to your situation: working, raising a family, having all those husbands...
Bernice: Watch it there Mr. sensitive. You're digging yourself a hole and I'm about ready to push you in.
Garry: I'm sure I don't know what that means.
Bernice: Oh really? Ok, who was it who went all crazy when I mispronounced that Bob Dylan's name because I never heard of him.
She had me there. All the poor girl had done was ask me who Bob Dylan was, but she pronounced the "y" as a long "i" as in "Dilan. Just as she said, I "went all crazy" by dropping to my knees and begging her to promise never to make this mistake in public for the sake of both our cultural reputations. I was just clowning, but In hindsight it was not my finest hour.
Bernice: You know what I think? (no pause for my response) I think you're all too smug for your own good. I got something to show you. Come in here. (She was headed to the living room and I could not follow fast enough)
Bernice: You see this? (She points to a massive, multi-vinyl album playing machine, probably an RCA and probably expensive at the time she bought it)
Bernice: I can put ten albums on there and listen to every one of them in an evening. And before I started hangin' around with you, I would do that a lot. (pause to let that to sink in) Now look here in this cabinet. (not waiting for me to comment on the handsome wood cabinets and plethora of albums.) These selves here are for classical and these over here are for opera. That's twenty years of music right there. And I don't just have the records. I've seen most of this music performed live, either in Michigan or Canada. I have favorite tunes from every one of these albums and when a hear one of those tunes on the radio or out someplace I can tell which composer or which opera it's from. Now how about you Mr. Culture. How many of these composers do you recognize? How many of these operas do you know anything about?
Garry: (shaking his head ruefully) I guess I only really know about popular music.
Bernice: (as close to exploding as I've ever seen her) And that's another thing. That "popular". You need to be more careful with your words. What you all are talking about is "current". The music I'm talking about is popular all over the world. Been popular for a long time. Hundreds of years some of it. And millions of people listen to it ever year. Millions of dollars are spent on symphony halls and opera houses to make sure this music is around for a long time. So you need to look at the fact that there is a ton of "popular" music you don't know a thing about.
Garry: (hammered and nailed) Yes mam.

Cultural Resolution #1
From film Pretty Woman (one of our faves): Richard Gere (Edward Lewis) to Julia Roberts (Vivien Ward) at a performance of La Traviata
"People's reaction to opera the first time they see it is often very dramatic; they either love it or hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don't, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul."

I would amend the Edward Lewis sentiment somewhat. Here's my version: whether you love opera or hate it depends a lot on who "brung ya" to your first opera experience.

Bernice had established herself as a volunteer usher at the renowned Masonic Temple long before we met, and she was not going to let a little thing like having a live-in boyfriend interrupt her habits. 
Bernice: (as we go up the steps to enter Masonic Temple) I think you're going to love this.
Garry: You mean "this" the opera or 'this" the ushering.
Bernice: I mean the whole thing. That's why I wanted to come early, so we can do a little exploring. This is a wonderful facility. I like it better than the Fisher Theatre. So much to see, the shows, the artists, artwork, the architecture
Garry: You're starting to sound like a docent.
Bernice: I could be. I've spent enough time here.
Garry: I'll bet you would be a terrific docent.
Bernice: You would be better at it than me. You like to get up in front of folks. We'll just have to educate you some. Might be a new line of work for you.
Garry: I just have to get through tonight first.

After a whirlwind tour of the facility we are passing through the lobby on our way to our pre-show briefing.
Garry: Wow, just look at these folks all gussied up. They look like pretty high rollers to me. I can imagine taking one of these guys to the wrong seat. He'd probably choke me with his cummerbund. And I'm sure that lady over there would swallow one of her Tiaras if I stepped on her toes.
Bernice: Get over how they dress. They are just people. Most of them are season ticket holders and they know where their seats are. Sometimes you get newcomers. All you have to do is help them find their row. Sometimes you get people in the wrong section. You just send them to the head usher and let him straight things out. You'll get the hang of it. What's really important is to keep your eye out for a couple of empty seats for us. Be looking for me when the curtain goes up. (pause) By the way, you look real nice in your coat and tie. First time I've seen you dressed up.
Garry: You should talk. I've never seen you in your usher outfit either. Navy Blue jacket over starched white shirt. Sharp as a blade. And with your glasses and hairdo, you got authority written all over you.
Later in the choice seats Bernice had scoped out.
Bernice: (whispering, her hand slipped into mine, our shoulders touching) This is La Traviata. My favorite. I'll tell you all about it at intermission.
Richard Gere, eat your heart out.

Cultural Resolution #2
It has been said that Negro League Baseball great Cool Papa Bell was so fast that he could enter a room, flick on the light switch and be in bed before the light came on.

Friday night, just after sunset, Bernice sitting alone atop the covers on her bed, beer in hand, primed for our big experiment; music piped into the darkened bedroom from Bernice's Big Music Machine in the living room. It's my turn to provide the culture for the evening, so Bernice is not sure what to expect. Somewhat reluctantly she has agreed to let me prime the Big Music Machine and I am in the living room doing just that. I chuckle like a cat burglar as I pluck five surprise albums that I have cleverly wedged into the gaps between her classical records. With the care of a jeweler, I load the albums onto the BMM's hold/release mechanism. As I press "Play" I wait just long enough to hear the unctuous sounds of a hydraulic system that would put Detroit's finest autos to shame, and then like Cool Papa Bell I run to reach Bernice before the first record drops.

Two hours later both the quaint little bedroom trash containers are full of beer cans, and the two of us are arms around shoulders, singing at the top of our lungs. Our musical fare has been modern country western music with offerings from the likes of Garth Brooks, Reba McEntire, Brooks and Dunn, and of course the Outlaws, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, and Johnny Cash. My treat to Bernice, myself and the Big Music Machine, a cultural lube job for all of us.

Bernice: Oh hear it comes again. Our favorite. (Bernice belts out the lyrics in a Dylanesque style, under cutting the high notes, and raising the low notes an octave so she can get at 'em.) Come on babe, here comes the chorus:
"Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be Cowboys 
Don't let 'em pick guitars and drive them old trucks
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such..." 

Sign of the times
Coming home to Bernice was always a treat. Always that effusive, crooked smile, a hug and some conversation. Plus I never tired of playing with the garage door opener. Usually I would cruise down the drive path in front of her place and hook a left into the garage I had already opened three blocks ago. Rarely did I glance to my right to observe the ornamental front yard.

In fact, the only time I remember making this glance was on a snowy day in December, 1995. As I hooked my left I glanced right and caught site of something sticking up in the yard. It was like suddenly getting a speck of dirt in your eye. You have to do something about it before you can can complete your routine. So instead of entering the house I walked around to the front yard to investigate.

Prior to this day I could have counted on one hand the events in my life that had totally upset my apple cart. What I saw upgraded the speck in my eye to a clod and informed me that from this day forward I would need two hands to count my major upsets. The Klu Klux Klan could not have struck a more fearsome symbol in that yard.
For Sale
Contact Owner
(Bernice's home & work numbers)
In my preoccupation with the speck in my eye that had become a dagger in my heart, I hadn't noticed that Bernice's sporty two door, white Honda Civic was nestled into its side of
 the garage. That meant that Bernice would most likely be waiting for me in the kitchen which is where we would wind down from our workdays. In my blackened mood I thought it a good thing that Bernice was doing the greeting on this night. If I had been home first our string of greeting smiles would have been severely frayed if not  broken.
Bernice: Hey there stranger. Welcome home. (That wide, crooked, heart rending smile)
Garry: Hey
Bernice: Hey? What's up, babe?
Garry: I don't know. You tell me.
Bernice: Nothing to tell here. Come over here. Give me my kiss and tell me what's on your mind.
Garry: I think it's more like, 'What's on your mind?'
(I'm leaning against the door frame.)
Bernice: I don't like the sounds of this. You better come sit down.
(This is where often the one arriving would swoop in, playfully sit on the other's lap, pull a face and grab a kiss. On my way to my chair I did none of the above.)
Garry: So when were you going to tell me?
Bernice: When was I going to tell you what?
Garry: I can't believe I'm the one who has to bring this up. You're the one who planted the (___ing ) sign in the yard.
Bernice: Oh, you saw the sign? Yeah, I put it out this morning. I guess you already left for work. Didn't get any calls though.
Garry: So you were going to just up and sell the house without even telling me?
Bernice: What are you so upset about?
Garry: I'm upset you're making some kind of major move here, and you didn't bother to tell me about it.
Bernice: I did tell you about it. I've been telling you all along. Ok, maybe not lately.
Garry: How could you have told me if I don't remember anything about it?
Bernice: Maybe you just don't pay attention to things I tell you.
Garry: I pay attention. Maybe you think you say things you don't say.
Bernice: Maybe you think you hear things you don't hear. (with the patience of Job) I started telling you when we first got together.
Garry: (losing patience) Telling me what?
Bernice: I told you that when I retired I wanted to move to Phoenix and live in the Anasazi complex where Ellie lives. I know I've told you I bought a couple of units there.
Garry: You told me you were going to move to Phoenix?
Bernice: Yes, after I retired.
Garry: You retired a month ago.
Bernice: And I figured it's about time to get a move on. I have to sell this place, maybe have an estate auction, and we have to find an apartment to live in if I sell before summer.
Garry: So you're selling the house and we're looking for an apartment? I know you didn't tell me that.
Bernice: You really don't remember my telling you what I planned to do when I retired?
Garry: Yeah, well maybe but that was a long time ago and you never said for sure. I don't remember any updates.
Bernice: I updated. Sometimes you only hear what you want to hear.
Garry: Maybe so, but I swear I didn't see this coming.
Bernice: I believe you. I get it now, why you're so upset. We probably should have talked about it more.
Garry: Well we're talking now, so let me see if I got this straight. You're selling this place and you and me are going to find an apartment together.
Bernice: Right.
Garry: So what about Phoenix? Are you going alone or am I coming with you?
Bernice: That part's up to you, babe.